Every time I thought about writing something to you, I have always failed in some way or the other. Whenever I try to search for appropriate words I stare into nothingness as all my attempts become futile and there is never enough of the words to form a perfect sentence. Yet, this time I’ve finally managed to put the jumbled words and my jumbled feeling into places, which may seem distasteful and may fill you heart with agony, but this is all I can afford for now.
In those gloomy days, when we could hear the distant crackling of thunder and were aware of the nature’s wrath, you always used to walk ahead of me as if it was some sort of ritual. With a feeling so subtle, I always watched your narrow hip swaying from left to right, as you made your way through the grass. With every few steps, you stopped at midway, gasping for breath and then it was my turn to move ahead of you. Yet, the further you moved ahead of me, I used to extend my hand and try to grasp the thin layer of trailing breeze laden with your essence. Every molecule was so aware of your presence that I sometimes felt afraid that they will never reach me.
Meeting you after all these years, has not only puzzled me, but sometimes I wonder,
“What are the reasons for your seclusion from this bustling life?”
“Are you too lonely just like me?”
Or, your insecurities are so hard upon you that the shell you have created is indestructible?
I know, the answers will always remain as the truth unspoken.
Long gone the vivacity, along with the playful smile. The gleam in your eyes have failed to flicker once again. You are a person, I am familiar with, yet parts of me have already forgotten what it feels like to talk with you. To fight with you over the meals, to cry with you in your sadness.
You are no less than a stranger, with a familiar face. You are like the souvenir of your own past, damaged and altered so much that you are unrecognizable.
Remember what you told me the day, we left our home together?
“I have an intuition!” You said, drawing in more breath.
“What is it?” I have asked as always. With hands on my hips and head on my shoulder, you whispered into my ear,
“That nothing will be the same anymore.”
You have always been right. No matter be it present or future.
And now, in life you have moved so much further ahead of me, that I’m no more able to follow your trailing breeze inhaling its essence. And thus, I have decided to give up on you, and also the sacrifices we had made for each other.
You will always be there residing in my memories. The old you.